Asssssss some of you may know, I am one legged. Total pirate minus the parrot and the wenches, and the ale, and the hot sweaty men to pleasure me all at once…puts romance novel down to continue Reddit post.
I had a date with a guy tonight. We’ve been on six dates so far, and aside from a handjob on our last date, we’ve never done anything sexual.
Tonight was the night. Like yeah, dude, seriously are you waiting for my limb to grow back? Nah I’m just kidding. Guys who wait are sweet as fuck.
We get naked, he immediately does that thing where he looks at my minus leg and then tries to make eye contact with me and look at anything else. I think it’s fucking hilarious.
He goes to pull me onto his lap and grabs my prosthetic. He says “sorry did that hurt?”
Yeah, seriously you have no idea how much it hurts when you touch something I can’t possibly feel any sensation from.
He had his hand on my chest and asked if I could feel anything. I had to squish his hand down on my boob to remind him that I’m not a titty amputee.
It was like showing a virgin how to have sex. But like, it was like showing an amputee virgin how to have sex and I love educating.
I told him to put my leg over his shoulder and fuck the shit out of me. Like yeah, I’m missing the leg, but at least I have another body part attached to me for a while. Or at least popping in and out for a visit.
Sweet guys are so fucking hot and I’ll never stop adoring the look of discomfort in their faces when I make dark jokes.
